i'm such a computer illiterate. i've been trying to add my post under the wrong tab, and when i finally gave up and just erased it, BAM, i figured it out.

this is a very confusing and frustrating time for me right now. i had a ct scan on monday of my sinuses to see if i'll be a good surgery candidate, and i'm not sure what to hope for. if "yes", then (a) i have to make the decision of whether or not to have surgery and (b) i have to decide when to do it. if "no", then i have to accept that i may just be a person with chronic pain. both are yucky options. plus, i had my allergy shot this morning that always puts me in a poopy mood because my arm is sore all day.

i work for a non-profit organization, and one of my duties is fundraising. in some ways, it's easy because i have a good board, and adoption pretty much sells itself. everybody loves babies. in other ways, it's so difficult to put myself out there again and again asking for money, for diapers, for office products, for gift baskets. i feel like oliver, "please, sir, may i have some more?"

the fact is that no one LIKES giving money away. people enjoy seeing the results of giving their money away, but the physical act of writing out the check is painful.

and then, i run into some random acts of generosity that blow me away. the director of another non-profit agency (not in competition with us, but they could certainly have used the funds for their own office) handed me a check for $500 a month ago for an event i was planning and said, "i want you to have this success. it'll help you meet your goal." and it did. and i started crying when she gave it to me because i realized how selfish i am feeling uncomfortable asking people for money when it's all for the babies.