Bill and I went to Colorado to celebrate Thanksgiving with some close family friends and their 3 kiddos. (By the very grace of God we managed to get back with all those blizzard conditions surrounding the state, but that is a completely different tale).
A fun time was had by all, and we spent a good amount of time with various families and individuals from their church. It's a very young church, composed almost exclusively of college students, young single adults, young married couples, and young married couples with children. Lots and lots of children. One night, there was a big get-together, and it was all families with young children, ranging from a couple with 1 baby to a family with 5 kids. They were all very friendly and nice, but the dad of 5 made a comment that really got to me. He said, "Boy, spending the evening here with 12 children running around must be great birth control for you."
Now, I know he meant it as a joke, but here is the information that he had about my husband and I:
We're a young couple in our late 20's/early 30's.
We're friends with young couples who have children (i.e. the friends we were with).
He didn't know if we were trying to get pregnant or for how long we may have been trying to get pregnant or if we already knew of an inability to get pregnant or, well, anything past us being a young couple who does not currently have children but likes them well enough to travel halfway across the country to see our friends and their kids.
And the fact is that, no, we are not struggling with infertility. But I just get sick of the, "you want kids? here take mine!" comments that I hear. People assume fertility--their own and others. I guess that in the field of adoption in which I work, I usually just assume infertility.
Anyway, the family of 7 was a very nice family, and I know that he just made automatic assumptions, but it was a good reminder to me to mind my tongue.
Much like when I accidentally yelled "CRAP!" while playing a game with all their kids in the next room. I felt horrible, but at least Bill lightened the mood by fake-gasping and saying, "That's not a word we say in this house!"
I probably do need to work a little on getting rid of my vulgar exclamations before we do start thinking about having kids. But again, that's neither here nor there.
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2 comments:
My brother got swats at school for saying "crap" once. You heathen!
...but yah, I feel like I'm right in the middle. I want babies, but I don't want them right now.
HOWEVER...I really don't like it when people say things like "whew...I bet you're glad you don't have to put up with THAT." They're almost as bad as the people that say "I don't have kids...but I've got a pet".
Um...hello?
And people assume that since you are from a big family that you a) don't want any children at all; or b) want a giant family. Get over it, people.
It's almost as bad as listening to parents whine about how their life "has never been the same" since the kid came along - like they "can't" go to the movies, they "can't" do whatever it is they used to do....
HELLO...you have a CHILD. If you don't realize all of that stuff before you have one, you're in trouble. And what about the other trade-offs? I think I'd gladly rent movies for the rest of my life to hear my child say, "Mama."
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