29 July 2005

So here’s the question of the day (and maybe this will inspire some comments): how do you know it’s the right time to start trying to have children? Notice I do not say “the right time to get pregnant”. I work in the adoption field. I know that when you start trying and when a baby shows up are often two VERY different times. It boggles my mind when women think they can choose the month they want their baby born in…of course, some fertile myrtles can.

My husband and I have been married for almost a year, and I’m constantly haunted (as most women in America are) by the TIME article a few years ago with the depressing nose-dive fertility/age chart. We’re financially stable, healthy, love kids, blah, blah, blah. And then there’s the cons—only time in our life to be carefree, big chunk of disposable income, time away from each other, blah, blah, blah. So I guess my question is, “how do you know when the scales have tipped?” Is it an earth-shattering moment? A quiet peace? Of course, there’s the couples that have oopsies and God answers the question for them. And then, there are the delusional/stupid on pregnancy boards: “my fiancé and I have started trying…does anyone know of a good empire waist wedding dress company?”

And granted, I am surrounded ALL THE TIME by babies and baby-related topics. Tends to color my thinking light pink and baby blue, but I don't consider myself to be baby crazy. So just curious…how did you know?


Shelli said...

Well, I guess I can throw my dream of us being pregnant at the same time away...seeing as how Justin and I are NO WHERE NEAR being ready for kiddo's.

Here are my thoughts (since you asked)


1. You and Bill will not have this "just married and care free" time again. EVER! Even after the kids have "left the nest", you will still be Mom...and will probably be paying for their college/car/insurance/housing while in college/and ofcourse the NSF charges at the bank because they still haven't quite figured "it" out.

2. You are only 26 (or is it still 25?...I think 26) and THAT is still young! Do not listen to the pressures of other women and magazines. They are probably just saying these things because they wished they could have waited longer, or are still stuck in the mentality that you HAVE to have kids before 30. BULL ROAR!

3. Use this time of big financial freedom right now to store a lot of money away for your kids college. Opening a "529 Savings" would be a great idea right now. Tax benefits, and it will go towards their college.

...Just my thoughts!

Karen said...

my responses (and i reiterate, bill and i are not trying yet!):

1. very true. except that technically, we're not carefree. i'm about as tied down to my dang job as one can be. ditto for bill. and forget about the whole, "we'll use this time to travel!" when push comes to shove, we're both homebodies and bill hates the beach. plus, there's no time to travel, due to said jobs.

2. i turn 27 in a little over a month (the year that it all starts going downhill, fertility-wise, according to TIME.) Boo hissy.

3. yeah, right! my "college savings plan" will be similar to my parents: here's a list of scholarships. get that pen a'movin'.

melissa jones said...

i gotta agree with shelli

being as I went from single to stepmom without the interim, i would definitely suggest drawing out the interim as long as i could.

none of my time is my own
none of my money is my own
none of my plans are my own
and my husband is not even simply my own

wait at least another year

buy new carpet
go on vacation
buy cute clothes
pay down debt
enjoy earning a paycheck

then kiss it all goodbye

Ellen said...

Whatever. Shelli and Melissa are stupid poopheads. I want a cousin for Anna.

Bethany said...

I think no matter when you have kids, it's not something you are likely to regret. :-) And whenever you do it, you'll be ready in some ways and totally unprepared in others. My husband and I waited eight years (I was 29, he was 34), and even though we were happy with our lives before our daughter was born, we wish we'd started sooner.

Carrie said...

I'm over here b/c I followed a link in Ellen's diary. I am pregnat with my first right now at 31 and it was such a hard decision! We knew we wanted kids but the time never seemed right. Finally we realized that the time will never be perfect. The clincher was holding my newborn nephew and realizing that if my sister can handle a baby we can too. I give birth in 10 weeks and I am terrified.

Sara said...

Don't you think the fact that you are even asking the question shows that you are probably ready. Most people that aren't ready are usually a little adament. Like Shelli being "NO WHERE NEAR" it. Just a thought.

mel jones said...

i think Ellen's being a poopy head! expecting your to alter your life plans to suit hers! Harumph! i think she's taking this 'reign' of hers a leeeetle to seriously.

mel again said...


Ellen said...

Melissa, nyeh nyeh. Come and try to get it back, you snot.

Karen said...

ha ha, melissa! my future children will be dancing to burned copies of your ABBA cd!

sarah j. said...

ABBA Gold Rocks

Babies rock too

those are my 2 cents [being as I am single, so I have NO authority on when its the right time to have a baby. I'm still waiting for the husband...] :)

mel's lawyer said...

one mini eiffel tower souvenir from paris is being held as bond until the safe return of said uber groovy cd

poor sad mel said...

and it looks like my future children will be dancing to burned copies of that cd too

course I'll have to find someone else who has that cd

cause Ellen is a poopy head